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Tips For Faking Gratitude To Your Fans For Their Astonishingly Low Support

Updated: Jan 12, 2023

Nashville, TN — Tis the season of gratitude, and what better way to show your gratitude to your fans for their astonishingly low support than through an obligatory Instagram video. We know it can be tricky, so here’s a few tips:

1) Smile

You want to try and smile, giving the illusion that you are actually grateful.

2) Tears of Joy

If you start crying out of sadness, act like they’re tears of joy. Like you’re just so grateful you can’t help but cry.

3) Fatitude

Feel free to lay on the fatitude (fake gratitude) and sarcasm thick. For example, you may want to subtly remind them that they’ve been pretty useless when it comes to Spotify streaming, but do so by thanking them for the 17 total streams on your latest single. Maybe even point out that you have over a thousand followers, and that 17 total streams means that a total of about 5 of them realistically listened to it.

4) Nail the Intro

This last one is important: remember to start your obligatory video with “Hey guys, just wanted to pop on here and say …” — and then continue on.

Perfect Example

If you need some additional help, here’s an example of an artist who executed flawlessly: Jordan Lilly. Notice how she is able to point out all her fans’ shortcomings, while still framing it in the emotion of gratitude.

P.S. For those of you who actually have fans streaming your music, you’re free to express actual gratitude. And we all hate you.

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