NAZARETH, JUDEA — If you happen to be going through Judea in the next few weeks, you’d do well to avoid bumping into Mary (Jesus’ mother), because she has reportedly hit her breaking point this Christmas season with people cleverly asking her if ‘she knows’.
According to our news sources, Mary has been seen flipping off jokesters of all ages, be it in grocery store lines, public gatherings, even church services. She’s also reportedly been hitting the wine skins a little too hard to take the edge off, which, as you can imagine, has only seemed to amplify her public rage. (Editors Note: public safety officials have tried to cut her off, but she’s believed to have some sort of unlimited, under-the-table wine hook-up from her son.)
Even Joseph has been seen avoiding her, crouching behind bushes, walking behind camels as they pass in the street — sometimes just hiding in the wood shop all night to avoid going near her. His close friends say that he’s now trying to avoid talking to her completely during the entire month of December, because harmless questions like “Mary do you know if we’re out of goat milk?” get him whacked.
Rumor also has it that the townspeople have even gone as far to start referring to Mary as the “Christmas Karen” of Judea. If Joseph finally decides to divorce her quietly, we can’t say anyone would blame him.